The Dual-Mating Dilemma of Womanhood
For Mids and Above | Fempill #1
It’s been rumored that there is no Red Pill for women.
I aim to resolve that in my little corner of the internet. Before I give you all the strategic information on getting into the guy that you desire through practical means, I have to set some parameters.
I am not going to be giving any overarching Christian dating advice. There will be a section for Christian dating itself, but beyond that, this will be an amoral series of articles on tools for women to use. How you choose to use them is up to you. I may include some stories from my perspective and personal experiments. However, that should describe how an outcome occurred for me and in no way suggests you adopt the same methodology or outcome to win. You and I may have differing mating goals and foundations to start from (ex: being more beautiful, socializing better with men, having a two-parent household, etc.).
You will notice in the title this article is reserved for Mids and Above; that is to say, this article will only work for women of average beauty and above (ex: 5/10 - 10:10). Remember that 5/10 is average, meaning “common beauty,” this does not mean ugly. This means a woman who is a 5 looks like a standard woman in the context of her culture. If you are overweight or declining in beauty (ex: age), this article may be unable to help you. There is something to say about a woman’s power to secure a relationship at her most beautiful and least jaded. This is best done in a woman’s twenties. There is no getting around that. You can always fix your weight; however, you cannot control your age or genetics.
Choosing a subpar mate is not a cancer diagnosis. It does not come swift in the night to blindside you. You can often do many things in your teens and twenties to ensure you get the man you desire. You can all but ensure you rush to pick a man who will “do” by putting it off for as long as possible, hoping to stick the landing. 1
It does not matter that you know so and so who got married at 30 and had babies at 33 by a man she loves and admires. If it’s easy, you can copy her methods to replicate and offer a written field report to aly@realfemsapien.com. The odds are that you will not or cannot take her advice and replicate her methods. This may be because 1) she does not know what she did to achieve her goal or 2) even if she told you point by point how she did it, you may not want what she has because somehow you think your current nothing or future something is better.
So, how do you get the guy?
To get the guy, you must know what you want in a man and what you can reasonably get. Often, women have a dual-mating strategy. In more crass Red Pill terms, this would be called alpha f*x, beta bux, meaning for short-term mating, women want an attractive man (alpha), while for long-term mating, a woman may prefer a more comforting man (beta)2. This is why a woman must date strategically in her early twenties when she is at her most beautiful and least jaded because that is when she has her most feminine leverage. You may not have to choose between an attractive man and a well-provisioning man if you strategize mating with an intent to minimize risk at a younger age3.
There is no guarantee that your romantic endeavors will fare well in life. However, women file for divorce the majority of the time and are often the sex that determines when a relationship is over. With this in mind, as long as you select well, endure changes and challenges together, and do not leave, there is a high probability you can have a relationship to last a lifetime because men only leave marriages 20% of the time when you look at divorces filed. That’s right, ladies, you can write a story of a love that lasts a lifetime. How advantageous!
With failure in mind, it is easier for a woman to recover from subpar mate selection in her youth rather than old age. Youth affords you risk, while age warrants reservation. Single motherhood is not a death sentence if you choose a mate poorly. It is also not a necessary response to poor mate selection.
In 2024, women control access to relationships and sex. The scales are heavily in our favor. If a woman wants a relationship and a man does not, she can always aim lower and find a man who will stay with her. We have extraordinary agency to pick who we want for whatever reasons we want today.
With your fertile window in mind4 at most, you have three long-term relationships (LTR) you can try and fail before you must compromise on your choice in mate. By compromise, I mean to humble yourself. At the third failed LTR, you clearly can’t get the ideal man you have in your head and do not want to retain the men you have in your proximity. Therefore, you will have to be more realistic or be forced to choose between an attractive man or a provisioning man. There’s a certain work ethic a man needs to be interested in wooing a woman for a lifetime, maintaining her attraction, and providing for her and their children for the same duration. An incredible minority of the male population can pull this off or would even want to. This is the primary reason for striking a deal at your most beautiful and least jaded (ex: early twenties, most beautiful, minimal promiscuity, and most joyful).
Fertility aside, women cannot handle several breakups before it seems to disturb their psychology. You can look at the article linked in footnote #1 if you don't believe me. Or you can reflect that Miley Cyrus fumbled the play with Liam Hemsworth.
Women who put marriage off to their late twenties are no longer sticking the landing. This seems to imply that if women wanted to be wives and mothers, they would. It could be that many simply do not. Marriage and motherhood require incredible sacrifice and compromise, as the only way to control 100% of your life and environment is to be single and childless. We live in an era that says, “Why live life any way but your way?”
You do not want to be the one to buy yourself flowers, ask Miley Cyrus. She had the opportunity to stay married to Liam Hemsworth but opted not to. She is still single and childless, and he has gone on to date beautiful women.
Dating and mating are not for the faint of heart. You have to be in it to win it or find yourself demoralized and black-pilled due to an inability to secure a satisfactory mate. Keep in mind that securing a mate is just the beginning. The hardest part is growing with a mate. However, given women focus so intensely on who they pick, we will emphasize procuring a mate for now.
Why would a woman want a man?
For argumentation’s sake, let’s say a woman does not want a man. Truth be told, in modernity, with the economic mobility and safety nets afforded to women in the West, a woman does not need a man to survive. However, most women are long-term mating strategists and want to have children. At the end of the day, you still want a long-term male mate and sperm. You can opt for donor sperm, but that’s a compromise in itself. Why would a woman opt for setting her children behind the starting line of life by having them without a father? It’s unnecessary, especially if you capitalized on mate selection in your competitive youth. There are women married to well-earning men they are attracted to. This is not impossible to achieve. It is the reality that many women simply won’t.
You need a man for many reasons and I’ll list them in black and white:
physical protection from unpredictable attackers
sharing the responsibility of childcare
companionship that may include sex and snuggles
additional household income that improves quality of life
genetic material for offspring
financial provisioning during the postpartum period and child-rearing
to have a complementary human to experience life with
to age out of the sexual marketplace securely
Sorry for the lack of romance included in the above, but I warned at the beginning of this article we would be speaking in bare-bones practicality. Obviously, having a man you’re hot for who can lay the pipe, provide well, and father children is top-tier gold status for women. Who can complain? Orgasms, a mortage, and babies?! Why not?!
But, to get that, you do have to give.
Let’s talk about babies!
The major reason you need a husband who provides5 is because of the postpartum period6 and breastfeeding. If you want to be a mother one day, it’s wisest to do so in the context of a marriage. However, what is often lost on young women is what it takes for two humans to reproduce. When allotting the time each child takes for a woman to give birth healthily and raise to minor independence, you are looking at a two-year turnaround per child.7 Practically speaking, if you would like to have three children, you are looking at a potential six-year time investment.
You’re probably wondering, “Why two years per child?” That’s a conservative estimate. Getting pregnant is not as easy as people make it out to be. First, a couple must be genetically compatible to get pregnant (viability aside). Secondly, both parties must bring healthy eggs and sperm to the table. If a couple cannot conceive, it is statistically an issue with the male’s sperm.
Conception aside, gestation is even harder to take to completion! The miracle of human life is just that, a miracle. 70-75% of pregnancies result in a spontaneous abortion8. The old adage that life is nasty, brutish, and short rings true of gestation.
Before easily accessible urinary pregnancy tests, women often miscarried and thought nothing of it. They would assume their period was late and it was heavy. The most common pregnancy to miscarry is your first pregnancy. Nowadays, we can find out we are two weeks pregnant; this was not true earlier in the human story. Thus, we are growing more familiar with pregnancy loss9 (although this seems to be happening at a snail’s pace).
I am not telling young women to live in fear, I am saying to consider living practically with your goals in mind. Reproduction is not a one-and-done situation for all women. You must plan for trying to conceive, miscarriage, recovery, ovulation, pregnancy, gestation, postpartum recovery, breastfeeding, etc. THIS IS A LONG PROCESS. Millennial women have repeated the false feminist notion that a woman has an eon to accomplish this to their demise. All the while, Gen Z and Millennials are half as fertile as their grandparents! You don’t have the same time your grandmother did. I hate to break it to you.10
Gestation aside, lactation is a much-warranted aspect to consider in child-rearing. Did you know that the World Health Organization recommends women breastfeed for two years? Did you know most mothers don’t meet their breastfeeding goals? Did you know the best way to have logistics arranged in a manner conducive to breastfeeding on demand is to be a stay-at-home mom and that directly impacts your children's IQ scores?11
Yes, yes, yes.
Your husband’s paycheck will suddenly become very important when you consider how much you would like to rest postpartum and whether or not you want to nurse and raise your children.
Isn’t it strange that most women are not considering at all whether they would like to set an optimal foundation for their children biologically and emotionally? Why wouldn’t you be desirous of having as much time as possible with your little ones because they are only little for a little while?
Back to provisioning, your husband is responsible for contributing financially to your calories consumed during pregnancy, your financial support to encourage a robust milk supply to nurse your baby afterward by affording you the ability to stay home, and much more! Being a stay-at-home mom who can nurse on demand allows you to bond with your baby and set up your baby’s immune system and intelligence for life.
You could pay for this yourself, but I can assure you a freshly postpartum woman wants zero financial obligation to her family. Plan accordingly.
Suddenly, it’s attractive to know a man would be willing to foot your bills entirely, right? Suddenly, it’s attractive whether or not you can afford a maid, childcare, or weekly baby classes, right?
And with all this milky madness, did you know the hormonal demand of lactation from some women inhibits their ability to ovulate? Some women ovulate during lactation, and some do not. Ideally, you are breastfeeding because it is the optimal nutritive choice for most babies. Contrary to the propaganda prevalent for mothers, most women can physiologically breastfeed, and most babies can physiologically nurse. There are some exceptions to this. You can read about my personal breastfeeding journey HERE. I was able to nurse my first child for 14 months. I would have gone on longer, but breastfeeding interfered with my ovulation significantly, and I wanted to have another child sooner.
If you are to breastfeed for two years, that can result in quite the gap between children if you are the type of woman who cannot ovulate and lactate in tandem.
This is all the more reason why it is imperative to take a deal with a man when you are at your most beautiful and least jaded, wielding your most feminine leverage. Trading your sexual agency for protection and provisioning has been the social contract for all time. Me stating this bluntly is uncomfortable. However, the human story is one of implicit and explicit social contracts.
You are welcome to explore the dual-mating strategy as you see fit. Maybe you’ll have an attractive and irresponsible man’s child in your youth and find a provisioning man as you age. It’s not illegal, and often, many women do go this route.
But the truth is that it is not entirely out of your control to influence. You can garner the attention and affection of an attractive man who wants to provide for you if you play the game well.
In the future, we will discuss compromise because plenty of women do not want to do the work it takes to garner the attention of a quality man. This is true. If it were not true, women would not be 170 lbs on average. That is not indicative at all that women as a group are interested in appealing to men on average. If you do not want to do the work for a quality man, you can always adjust your standards accordingly.
Below is a list of tools you can use to start if you are interested in competing for a worthy male mate. I will unpack this list in the Fempill series for better understanding because some of it is me taking creative license.
Update: Women are not sticking the landing, see
’s article below. It includes graphics demonstrating women who postpone marriage often don’t cross the finish line.
There is no such thing as alpha men and beta men; there are only alpha and beta qualities. Alpha qualities evoke attraction in a woman, and beta qualities evoke comfort in a woman.
There are no guarantees in life. You can minimize risk, but you cannot erase it.
You can do it yourself, but why would you want to? Let’s be honest. What freshly bleeding new mother wants to have the pressure to provide for the household?
The 12 months of a woman’s life after having a baby.
This is the medical verbiage for miscarriage.
This seems to be happening at a snail’s pace.
Unfortunately, the women who need to understand these facts, will not.
I wish more women out there read you. And frankly you did change a perspective for me. That Alpha and Beta are more about feelings cultivated in the woman than actual archetypes