The Church of 30 (Revised)

Two years ago I wrote about the our society's infantilization of 30 year old women.

The Church of 30 and its Delusional Female Patrons (Revised)

I brought up a statistic that if a woman does not have children by age 30, there is a 50% chance she will never have children. I state these statistics in the video below:

I was immediately accused of fearmongering women after posting the above video, but it is a bit hard to take that critique seriously, given that women are offended over much less. That statistic is not a biological observation so much as a sociological one.

There is an objective fertility problem among modern men and women from environmental pollution, poor diets, and Malthusian propaganda that tells the young and fertile that children are an environmentally unfriendly lifestyle choice as well as a psychologically unsound decision. These sentiments are shared among the Left and the Right. While the Right champions themselves as the family protectors, even so— Conservative women are not exempt from the childlessness epidemic. They prefer to tell other women to have children without putting their ovaries on the line. The great political divide between young men and women has widened since political discourse has become a culturally accepted online pastime. This makes it difficult for the two to love one another, pair up, and mate as the Democrat party continues to liberate women at women’s own expense. At the same time, the Republican party is not too passive with women and is entirely unable to motivate men to get to the polls. The cost of this political war is our nation’s inability to replace the working class, which will lead to an economic collapse. Perhaps it already has…

The number one reason women won’t reproduce is a lack of cultivating behavioral patterns conducive to family in their twenties. It is unlikely that people will become radically different from who they were in their twenties when the clock strikes midnight, ushering in their thirtieth birthday. People love an underdog story but fail to realize those stories only win on screens—in real life, most underdogs are losers for a lifetime. Funny enough, we never see the truth of female underdogs on screen, only male underdogs.

My critics are not bright enough or informed enough to understand the scope of a 50/50 statistical prediction that if a woman reaches 30 without having reproduced, there is a 50% chance she never will. They argue that plenty of women can bear children at 30, but they do not consider if it will happen for her outside of biological factors. They neglect the other genuine sociological reasons that influence the self-sabotage journey for a woman starting long before ringing in her thirtieth birthday.

As a hobby, I have been sounding the alarm about the declining fertility of both men and women for several years. However, the conversation was not entertaining or palatable for most of the women I interacted with, so I stopped having it as table talk. I’m better off discussing the latest scent at Bath and Bodyworks than discussing reality with women for social points.

“Hello, fellow women and Gen Z girlies. Have you heard about the 1% annual decline in sperm motility, morphology, and fertility? That’ll be a real issue as the years go on… What about women today having twice as many miscarriages as their grandmothers?”

Not so fun fact: Millenials and Gen Z are half as fertile as their grandparents, which is true for both men and women. During my undergrad years, I was obsessed with investigating the science and sociology of reproduction. This coincided with when I was studying anthropology, including biological anthropology. Biological anthropology opened my eyes to the challenges of the miracle of life. It is quite a statistical feat for human life to make it from conception to birth. On this inquisitive journey, I got a bee in my bonnet and even got my husband’s testosterone up 200 points with environmental changes in our home. During this same chapter of life, I experienced a miscarriage personally and researched the phenomenon because pregnancy viability is a component of fertility.

Global fertility and its rates are multi-factorial. What is happening to egg quality and sperm quality across the board? When is reproduction no longer likely to occur despite an ability to carry or create life? What is the frequency of viable pregnancies? What are infant and maternal mortality rates in different societies? This is the scope of questioning required to analyze fertility.

Our fertility is sacred; if you do not use it, it is best to forego reproduction by making a thoughtful choice rather than not having children as an accidental default. I will now explain further some behavioral factors involved in fertility that I have been able to discern by speaking with men and women of varying relationship statuses for the past three years. There is more than an environmental and biological attack on the family. There is a reasonable case to be made of a spiritual and global war on the family.

Let’s look at what else is in Western Women’s way regarding dating and mating.

In speaking with married, divorced, and single Western Women, I concluded that we operate in extremes. In contrast, women of other cultures appear less prone to a black-and-white thinking paradigm. Many women from Eastern collectivist cultures have been able to live in balance, likely due to their culture's priming. For example, having the ability to eat and remain thin and age well intuitively, working and mothering femininely, and acknowledging the utility and harmony of gender roles without sacrificing themselves or their men. American women cannot function in the “grey” of life that requires balance to enjoy. Some common cultural examples of Western feminine extremes include our eating habits, ranging from starvation to gorging, going from sinewy twig to muscle mommies, believing women can only work for profit outside of the home or should make zero dollars if they choose to stay home, and fluctuating between promiscuity and celibacy.

Because of our inability to live in the grey, we believe there are only two choices: being a childless and career-driven Boss Babe only willing to settle for the best man at the last second possible (if ever) or being a stay-at-home hermit mom with no adult interaction whose only reprieve is complaining to other lonely and overwhelmed Moms by posting TikToks lamenting about motherhood. Most women do not pause to consider what it could be like to fall in love and be cared for by a man who provides for and protects them while they raise littles. Even fewer women understand the season of high dependence of child-rearing is astonishingly short, and there will be an inevitable graduation of all your children going from dependent babies to independent teens. Then, you will miss your needy babies, wish you had more children, and began motherhood younger.

One possible explanation for the notable trend in Western societies where women are having fewer children is that they're not perceived as attractive partners by men who prioritize family-building. This disparity becomes more evident when comparing Western women to those from different cultural backgrounds. There is no global demand or movement of men flying out West to marry Western women. Imagine a world where American women were coveted globally, and our cultural femininity was so valuable that men worldwide clamored for us. I'm unsure about a feminine wave sweeping the nation, but I know women who want to be desirable to loving, masculine men can get there with a bit of effort on their part. Consider your average American woman who is 170 lbs and earns a median income of $25K while only having eyes for above-average men in mating. I don’t think they are effective at garnering the attention of the men they desire and are, therefore, opting for singleness, which tends to precipitate childlessness.

This crisis of femininity has contributed to the cultural phenomenon of what I refer to as the "Church of 30," where women are told they can have everything they desire whenever they desire it when it comes to dating and mating. Any failure to uphold this nonsensical ideal is framed as misogyny.

The Church of 30 (It’s NOT the New 20)

The Church of 30 is the Western Woman's new religion. Explicitly acculturated for her so she can squander her twenties as any loser would and hopefully recover in her thirties and stick the landing. Wasting your twenties is foolish not only for women but also for men. However, in terms of life planning, men have much more leeway regarding their ability to reproduce than women. Yet, any man who is purposelessly sauntering through his twenties is childish. Despite this, a man can still sire children into his seventies, while women (on average) begin to struggle around age thirty-five. It may not seem fair, but this is the law of nature.

If you are a woman who was able to have a baby at 40 or marry at 50, you are not representative of all women or even most women. In those instances, you are the exception to the rule. Congratulations, pat yourself on the back and understand the significance of generalizations in observations and data and the necessity of nuance in living. If you want to make a dent in the universe, teach other women how you got your man and/or baby in older age. Don't just inform everyone of this exceptional fact. Be of service to younger women.

You don't have to take your twenties so seriously that you don't enjoy the moment (please set your neuroticism aside), but why not use it as rocket fuel for your thirties, forties, and fifties? You do what you do not want to in your twenties so that later in life, you can do what most people will never be able to.

When discussing female fertility with my audience, it is not to terrify or fearmonger them but to let them know they can square themselves away young and rest in middle age. The alternative is hitting a wall (pun intended), stressing, and battling the mind should they find love later—if at all. Eventually, reality will come to confront women who prioritized the material over the familial as they will come to find themselves struggling with insurmountable infertility. It is less about "your eggs are dried up, and you have no worth" and more about "reproducing in your twenties with a good man you love is achievable with proper romantic education."

You do not need to put off family planning for fabricated social constructs the world is shoving down your throat. “Find yourself by dating and furthering a mediocre career.”¹ Understandably, life may knock some women off course from finding a suitable mate. But, if the woman is driving her car off the freeway and into grass dunes, that's much different than external events requiring significant physical and psychological recovery blocking her path to a loving family. Life blocking her is not the same as a woman blocking herself.

The Church of 30 will always need new members for its ideology. Women can never find out they have less time than they do reproductively because too many industries rely on this logical fallacy: the fertility industry, behavioral health, the federal government, and the job marketplace.

Women must accept they cannot abolish the stigma of being a spinster at 30. This stigma and stereotype lingers in our culture today because it is questionable. How is an adult so dysfunctional they cannot socialize with the opposite sex effectively after being on this earth for three decades?

It's a social deficit stamped on your forehead.

It would be similar to observing someone who has no friends or manners. You would notice the odd man out and ask yourself, "How did they get there?" The only reason the stigma doesn't carry the same weight with men is that they have a longer fertile window. Yet still, a man who has never had a meaningful romance with a woman by his thirties (even if only for a season) will appear socially unskilled.

Remember when people had boyfriends and girlfriends in middle and high school? A first kiss, a first dance, a first relationship, and this was America's developmentally normal romantic culture? Remember a time in our culture when, if you were socially uncouth and incapable, people laughed at you? This sounds savage, but it did produce results! The trope of the strong male quarterback and the exuberant cheerleader in high school wasn't made up; they used to be the parents of many.

You can seize life much sooner than your twenties; this can begin in adolescence, but I'll save that commentary for my parent readers as I research and experience parenting more. Every single successful person I have known did not squander their twenties entirely. Instead, they did exceptional work that gave them a foundation to launch into their thirties. That's not to say a person cannot act with fortitude in their thirties, but what is the likelihood that will occur if the habit hasn't already been demonstrated?

Most women want to be in a long-term relationship and have children. The longer you wait to do that, the less likely that is to occur.

The Problem with Older Women and Exceptions to the Rule

Women hear generalized arguments about modern dating trends (and many other subjects) and immediately resort to, "Well, that doesn't apply to ME," or "That doesn't apply to MY friend." This is a standard pattern of behavior referred to as solipsism². Furthermore, children are biologically dependent on a mother at a young age, necessitating that we consider life through a lens of "What about me?" I do not have an issue with solipsism in women. However, it does get in the way of functional romantic education for still valuable single women who desperately need insights from older women.

When women over the age of 30 are confronted with their Church being challenged, there are two rebuttals: "BUT I DID IT AT AGE [insert age over 30]," or "Don't listen to that! My friend did it at [insert age over 30]." Female fertility, behavioral patterns, and the efficacy of marriage as a means of reproduction for women are immutable realities we cannot evade. Furthermore, it is undeniable that achieving this goal is significantly more attainable during one's twenties than in any other decade of life. It’s straightforward: when you are a younger woman, you have more to offer a man, and you are less jaded by the battering of life.

Youth affords you risk, while older age warrants reservation.

When older women argue about being an exception to the rule to young women, they often do so as a badge of honor with no explanation. The statement carries no weight other than to ego-preserve the woman uttering it. It will not serve the young woman going to her for guidance. When women argue about THEIR friend who was the exception to the rule, they fail to address the question: If you know another woman who could do it, why don’t you consider replicating her methods? If she did it, why can’t you?

Plainly saying, "My friend did it," is a different way to say, "I'm still single and/or childless." Meaning her opinion is moot. Not everyone's opinion on love, marriage, and children must be entertained. The sooner you gatekeep your mind from those beneath you, the better. Your mind is precious as it guides your life, and you can only answer to yourself and your God if you do not attain a life you are grateful to have led. You will not answer to bad girlfriends on your deathbed (I promise).

What Older Women Need to Understand

If a woman finds love in old age or off the beaten path, no one except a cynic would be upset with her and should be disregarded as such. Dogs and babies understand love better than defective humans. It is a truly broken person who would admonish a woman for having found love at all. Love is a beautiful and brave thing.

Older women might exercise self-reflection and discernment when they discuss the ideal for most young women. This ideal can be theorized through observable data and anecdotes. If an older woman cannot help a more youthful woman achieve her goals, she needs to admit so and step to the side, refer them to a woman who can, or share the honesty of their mistakes and what they would have done differently.

A woman who wants to be a joyful wife and mother should only seek guidance from a woman who is a joyful wife and mother and has been for quite some time. It might be surprising to hear from a woman who has only been married a year and is on her first child. However, I recognize this, which is precisely why I befriend other wives and mothers who have been married much longer than I.

Being a happily married wife and mother is officially ambitious. You will seek to be the exception to the rule if you want this life for yourself, and exceptions are for exceptional people. But you, dear reader, live in a time where competency is the new currency. There has never been an easier time to be above average. The information era includes access to insights into functional marriage. You can find the men and women who have done so themselves or studied romance academically. This will enable you to replicate their techniques and findings with modifications suited to your and your lover's dynamics and goals.

If research is too heady for you on your current journey, you can still cultivate the ability to exercise discernment. You would do well to put your blinders on against women whose opinions don't matter. They will be upset with you for ignoring or informing them you don't care for their feedback. Nothing pisses a woman off more than hearing her opinion doesn't matter, but stay the course. Your life is your own, and it is sad to be lied to by older women when you want to build a lovely family for yourself. You can make better girlfriends.

Young women deserve better than to be told to freeze their eggs by 30 instead of how to get along with men in their twenties. They are more valuable than that. The women poorly advise them to understand this, but they do not care because they compete with one another for suitable mates.

My advice to single young women is simple: be sweet, don’t be overweight, attract the attention of an honorable man you are attracted to, strike a good deal³ with him in your twenties, stay the course, have babies, and age with a family. If you don’t have any earthly clue on how to get along with men, spend more time with your grandfather, father, uncles, and brothers. Ask them questions on what they find frustrating in female counterparts romantically and see what insights you can apply to your dating life. Typically, if you are pleasant, say hello to a man, and are attractive, you can get attention that way. However, if you cannot garner the attention of a man you are attracted to, you might be aiming too high or have some self-improvement to do.

To put it bluntly, if men you like do not like you back, you’re probably ugly or crass. Beauty is not solely a genetic hand you are dealt. It is fashion, fitness, grace, a woman’s walk, hair, self-esteem, and speech. If you’re chasing after highly coveted men, other women notice him too, and they’re willing to jump through hoops to get that guy. I’m not saying to sell your soul and become a female simp; I am saying there’s a high likelihood you’re outclassed if you can’t attract the men you are attracted to. Either lower your standard and accept that you are unwilling to work to be a highly sought-after woman or become her.

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1. The median income for women in the US is $39,688.

2. This is theorized to be for good reason because if a woman cannot prioritize her survival, she cannot prioritize the survival of her genetic offspring.

3. Many women have opportunities to settle down with good men but squander them when they believe they have more options in quality men than is true.