A Father's Love

Often practical, rarely idealistic.

Our daughter is now a little over eight months old, and during this time, I've had the opportunity to witness a side of my husband that I hadn't seen before – his transformation into the quintessential Dad.

Through my extensive discussions with women in my work on cultural commentary over the past three years, I have concluded that men cannot generally bond with newborns to the sufficient standard that would please a woman. I attribute this primarily to sex differences because I think it is downright foolish to expect a father to have a relationship with a child that is a carbon copy of the mother’s. This is a flaw in egalitarian thinking today: a father should interact with a child to the standards women find appropriate.

Men are not a monolith and each one has his own life experience that impacts the way he parents. Many men did not have involved fathers modeled to them, and to expect them to suddenly become Mrs. Doubtfire is absurd and harbors resentment and disappointment for women. Just because a father seems uninvolved to a mother doesn’t mean that he is; the reality could be he is loving his children in his total capacity, but it does not look at all close to a mother’s love.

To illustrate the significance of sex differences between the two, picture this: a couple has a newborn that cries fairly regularly, but the father just doesn’t seem to get up as much or as easily as the mother. Is he lazy, or is his brain wired differently? Mothers get an entirely new brain when they have a baby, and a baby’s cry is not even on the top list of sounds that will wake a man up.

Just the other day, I was sitting in my car several yards from my house, and I could hear my daughter crying ever-so-faintly from inside the house. I doubt my husband can do the same, or any man for that matter.

Today, the modern father experiences Post Partum Depression more than his predecessors, is more involved, and experiences more hormonal changes when welcoming a little one into the home.¹

In my discussions with married mothers, a recurring theme has emerged: husbands tend to derive more enjoyment from their children as they grow older. While some have specifically mentioned this preference becoming evident during the toddler years and beyond, I can personally attest to observing a natural inclination in my husband to connect with our daughter as she becomes more interactive. They both share an innate predisposition towards playful interaction.

Initially, I grappled with guilt over not engaging in playtime with my daughter to the extent I desired, especially considering that most of our time together revolves around caregiving responsibilities. However, I've consciously made an effort to quell any maternal guilt that might arise within me, recognizing that it can have a detrimental impact on my interactions with her. I've come to accept that my primary role involves nursing, cuddling, providing comfort, and ensuring she's well-fed.

Eventually, I came across several articles and studies that indicated men get a peak in oxytocin when they play with children, and that’s when I really stopped caring that I’m not a more playful parent. There might be something to that stereotype that mom truly is more boring than dad…

So, what does the image at the beginning of this article represent? It's a testament to a father's love and unique perspective. My husband noticed our daughter's interest in playing with a can. My inclination would have been to discard the can out of concern for her safety, fearing she might get hurt by the sharp edges. However, a father's love doesn't deter a child from exploring the world; instead, it finds ways to allow a child to engage in risky activities carefully. He proceeded to childproof the can using colorful electrical and duct tape and returned it to her.

Often practical, never idealistic.

Below is another heartwarming yet hilarious display of a father’s love. The YouTube video below is 11 years old and has 1.6 million views. If you play it, you will notice a video montage of a young girl, Lorena, growing from a baby with her father into a woman set to the background music of “Mi Niña Bonita” by Vicente Fernandez.

This song is often played during Latin parties (primarily Mexican) when a girl is growing, coming of age during a quinceñera, or marrying. It is a song from the perspective of a father watching her age.

From the intel I gathered looking at the channel and video, the description of the video states:

“PARA MI HIJA, PORQUE SIEMPRE SERAS MI NIÑA BONITA,” which means “For my daughter, because she will always be my beautiful girl.”

The comments for the video are turned off.

This is a legitimate montage a father put together to testify his love for his daughter, and it will live online in perpetuity.

So, how on Earth does a father’s video tribute to his daughter get over a million views?

When that video was posted, few versions of Vicente Fernandez’s song Mi Niña Bonita were available on YouTube. This means that a father who meant to show his love for his daughter instead provided the primary source for anyone looking for that song to listen to on YouTube.

And now we all see how much he loved his daughter through a moment of chance and the ever-changing landscape the internet has become.

I hope you all enjoyed this little take about the goodness of men and the love of a father.

♦♦♦

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