Why Men Cheat
You don't have to guess, I've asked them for two years straight. Here are their answers.
I am reposting a YouTube video of mine over here on Substack in case some readers are subscribed here but not over on YouTube.
I’ve spoken with married men and women, divorced men and women, and single men and women for nearly two years. Women often theorize why men cheat with other women and are seldom willing to hear the answers men actually give. Check out the video at the bottom if you are curious about why they cheat.
To preface the video, I would like to state that the majority of men are sexless, but we don’t often notice invisible men as women. We typically only notice mate-worthy men. So immediately, you can see that the pool of men we often discuss regarding infidelity is quite small compared to the whole. In short, these are men with options, therefore most men are not unfaithful. They aren’t even sexually active. Aside from that, men and women in relationships are unfaithful fairly equally depending on what data set you look at. Some studies suggest that men in relationships cheat more, but this is often self-reported data and yet still, we do have to be mindful that most men do not have access to women. This is to say that per these data sets, women could cheat as much as men or more but are uncomfortable stating so compared to men. However, the linked data above on sexlessness is also self-reported, so take any data in with a grain of salt.
I am saying that women may be less comfortable than men to report or discuss their own infidelities. It doesn’t make them bad people; it just makes them women. Women have evolved to have more clandestine rendezvous’ because the consequences of us getting found out in the past have been severe, leading to death. That’s what evolutionary psychologists have theorized, considering women are the physically weaker sex and men have documented sexual jealousy and a higher likelihood to act out aggression physically.
Fun fact, even female chimps cheat sneakily.
In comparing male and female infidelity, men and women cheat for different reasons, but they still do so pretty equally. You can read more here.
Everyone wants to apply morality to infidelity, but I have seen even the best husbands and wives cheat. I don’t think anyone is immune. I think it takes work to sustain a sexy marriage long-term, and many women married for decades longer than myself have echoed this sentiment. The good news is it can be enjoyable work. 😉
In summation, most husbands don’t want to cheat on their wives and love their wives, but in certain circumstances, they have found themselves opting to. As for wives, I can also say there are reasons why they are unfaithful when they elect to step out. Women’s reasons for infidelity differ from what men report as motivating factors.
When I look at infidelity from men as a commentator and romance enthusiast, I do my best not to apply morality to the situation because otherwise, I will not get true answers from them. Men are SICK and TIRED of the longhouse. If you let them talk and don’t admonish them like a devouring mother, they will be forthcoming with their true thoughts to a woman. It is better to know why men cheat than to pretend they should never ever step out (*finger wag*) when so many marriages have instances of infidelity between husbands and wives. I have purposely chosen to facilitate discourse with men in a way that will give women insights on how to be better wives.
There will be no henpecking from me on an unfaithful husband reporting his reasoning. I only want answers on motivations, and I have gotten them! See the video below!
If you’re a woman reading this, there are things you can do to reduce the chances of your husband looking elsewhere. Don’t believe your broken, damaged, or single girlfriends.
***The only reason for infidelity that I did not address in this video is sheer inability to have sex with the spouse due to work travel. That is a rare fifth reason men have cited amorally as to why they stepped out. For example, men who were away at work for 6-12+ months and chose to satisfy an urge versus forgoing sex. I do not think this is a common situation for working-class men to warrant much more discussion.
My e-mail inbox is always open to field reports: aly@realfemsapien.com